walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
