How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
