Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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