You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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