i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Who died my cat blue again?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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