She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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