my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
BRING THE BAGELS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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