just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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