Ambien. No doubt about it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have aggressive nipples.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
