well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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