I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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