I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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