I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was CRYING into my vagina
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
