I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
