covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
