I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize