Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
