Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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