i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
