the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize