Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
