my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
