Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
