This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sober January is a disaster.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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