I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
