Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
