Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
