I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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