Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
