i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
