How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
