At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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