sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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