And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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