When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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