was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
