allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize