So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
