Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
