I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
