i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Come share oat with me in your robe
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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