Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
