there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
