How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
