All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
