Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Randomize
