well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
