seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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