zippers are such a cool invention
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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