The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
