Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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