I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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