I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
