i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
