Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
