Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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