I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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