you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
