He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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