Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
