Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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