Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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