I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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