Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
