when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His nipple licking is glorious
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