During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
