i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize