Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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