I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
