the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
