i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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