i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize