She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
