I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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