The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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