It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
