i permit you to call me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
