I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
