i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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